Not So Grimm Tales Chapter One

Once upon a time in a rather small uninteresting kingdom that wouldn't be missed if it were covered in thorns and vanished off the face of the Earth...

"Ahem."

Yeah, yeah, there lived a king and a queen who ruled this little kingdom of many wonders, lile running water, and public transportation, and ye olde Alebucks at every street corner and alternate side of the street corpse dumping on Wednesdays and...

"You really don't want to do this do you Alice."

* * * * * *

Edenina, The Realm of Dreams
The Dream Continent of the Grimmlands (Germany)
The Lost Kingdom of Millennia.

"Oh I want to do this!" Alice complained, "Just not this boring crap! I WANNA FUCK!"

"Hooray. A hobby your actually good at."

"SHUT IT!"

Alice was a restless woman, a restless hormonally driven hopped up anxious excitable woman... as long as the things exciting her was lesbian sex, food, partying, money making adventuring and any combination of the four. She had long wild blonde hair, streaked with red making her look rather like a rocker than what she was, a self styled "freelance adventurer for hire". She wore a rather straightforward gear set, almost seeming normal in her dress. Light armor weave uniform woven with indestructible runescript into the material, long shimmering blue gloves (ending in Gear Gauntlets of Many Wonders at both arms) and thigh high blue boots. A rather conservative wear for one so anything but. She wore a hefty tesseract backpack and two side tesseract packs for her daily gear, equipment, and toys... one of which, a clear red vibrator (which she twirled in her hand idly as she leaned against the huge oak waiting) captivated her limited attention span as she narrated.

"Why do I have to recap..."

"Because, Alice, because." the disembodied female voice in her head chided, the voice being that of her new "conscious", a female persona ai bonded with her when she gained her Gauntlets. "It might contain information about how to overcome the obstacle ahead of us." she noted, the large endless expanse of thorns surrounding them. Truth they had made abit of progress when they started to enter the kingdom, but despite the fact the thorns were easily dispatched they were also covering a kingdom so many miles circular, so even if they were easily dealt with it still meant cutting into a massively large space looking for the proverbial "needle" in the haystack, a castle holding a sleeping princess.

"So you think going over the tale will make finding the castle easier, eh?"

"I'd say so. Anyway you wanted a break anyway so since we are here we might as well..."

"OK! OK! Fine! You win!" Alice groaned with reluctance, picking up the small Spellcyclopedia lying open on her stomach, pages flipped open to Kingdom Reference Sleeping Beauty Legend - Lands of Millennia...

* * * * * *

The happy couple was happy... of course.

"Of course."

But they wanted a child. A heir maybe even... is this going to get kinky and pervy?

"Wrong story... wrong blog too."

OK. Anyway to that end the happy king and queen fucked often, in every imaginative way... then the queen had the maid suck on the king's mighty lance until he was ready to fuck. Then the queen invited a long chain of maids to sleep with them and be fucked by the king's long ruling rod... they even went so far as to arrange playdates with the Royal Milkmaid, the king fucking her daily in the stables as the cows watched him hammering her sweet womanhood with his massive shaft, the poor trembling maiden clinging to the queen as he parted the maiden's legs and rode her...

"Horny?"

Surprisingly yes... DAMMIT!

"Is all that fucking around really in that story?"

Do I have to tell you the story of where babies come from again...

"No, no, I'm good."

Anyway after years of the best sex the queen finally gave birth to a beautiful girl... if I find out daddy ripened her already I'm so going to throw up and give up on humanity...

"Only if that were true after that misadventure at the brothel in New Haven..."

I was needy! Anyway... ahem... they were so thrilled they held a Royal Christening along with a Royal Feast and a Royal Orgy and...

"You made that last one up."

Oh you wish. You wish. Anyway the entire court and seven fairies of high rank of the region all showed up for the party... I hear fairies have imaginative ways to make fairy dust go a "long" way...

"I'm sure."

Ok. The big day arrived, the freeloaders showed up,and the baby was christened. So they went to the feast and the king popped party favors on the crowd with decorative silverware made of diamonds and gold... you do know you can't actually eat with gold and diamond silverware because the gold makes food taste horrid, and you always run the risk of swallowing the diamonds... well who should pop up but an ugly old fairy... Michelle Bachmann?

"Behave."

To Be Continued